One of the hardest things one will
do in their lifetime is find what God has called them to do in this wonderful
thing He has given us called, life. From the very first day we begin kindergarten
we are asked one of life’s most frequently asked questions, “What will you be
when you grow up?” Of course, now this question has evolved into its slightly
more sophisticated form, “What will you do when you graduate college?” or “What
has God called you to do?” From the very first day in kindergarten when our much
taller than we are teacher leans down to meet us eye to eye and ask us what we
were going to do when we grow up we have felt the strong pressure to figure out
what we are called to do for the rest of our life as fast as possible.
Luckily as a young child this
decision seems simple. The typical child’s answers are “I want to be a
firefighter.”, “I want to be a princess.” , or “I want to be the president of
the United States.” Children find something that seems to make people happy,
and they latch on to it as something they are destined to do. For me I wanted
to be a singer, an actress, a writer, a musician, a film maker, a professional
athlete, a professional motocross rider, a professional skate boarder, a
professional roller blader, the first female pro football, and so on. I learned
at a very young age that I was very passionate about many things.
In
middle school the range of what my peers wanted to do became a little more
diverse. Instead of every girl wanting to be a princess, and every boy wanting to
be a firefighter or policeman who saves the princess, my peers began to broaden
their horizons. Though there were the few who still hung on to the idea
becoming firefighters and policemen, the guys were deciding to become doctors,
athletes, scientists, and so on. The girls had given up hope on becoming the next in
line to royalty, and moved on to becoming doctors, scientists, counselors,
make-up artists, actresses, singers, musicians, and so on. Not matter what they
chose they all had one thing in common; they chose what they wanted to be based
off of their main interest. The kids who loved art wanted to be artists. The
kids who loved math wanted to be math teachers. The kids who loved talking to
people wanted to be counselors. I however, had so many passions that the list
probably could not have fit onto one page. I wanted to be everything, and I
could not settle.
In high school I thought I had
figured it out. My first two years I was dead set on becoming an actress. I
found everything I ever needed in movies. I found a meaning to be alive. I
found a reason to chase after love. I found a reason to love others. When I
watched movies I felt like I belonged. I felt like I had experienced a touch of
the magic that is within this world. I found everything that I ever wanted, and
the people I admired most were those in the movies. So I decided that acting
was for me. I decided that I wanted to make a difference and influence others,
and this was the way to do it. However, I slowly decided that the likelihood of
me making it in the acting world was very unlikely. So the last two years of
high school I decided that I was going to be a filmmaker. I was always being
told I was really good at it. I had already written a few movie scripts, and
had already made a few films about motocross. I was good at editing, directing,
filming, all of it. This was my calling. But then my senior year of high school
I found the one thing that changed it all, God.
In my Mission of the Church class we were asked to write a reflection paper about how we came to a sense of calling in our life. In my paper I shared the story of my salvation, and how I came to know God. There is no need
to reiterate, but long story short I was lost then I was found. I was brought
into the church through a youth group dance group. I stuck around realizing
that maybe I would find some of the answers I was looking for at this church,
and in this God. I realized that God was the thing I was looking for, the
answer to all of my problems. I fell in love with God, and discovered He had
fallen in love with me a long time ago. Everything got better. I was hooked. I
wanted to get as much as I could from God. Not in a materialistic way, but a spiritual way. I wanted to find out the most I
could about Him. I wanted to read every word there is in the Bible, worship God
for hours, pray to Him for longer, and listen to preachers tell me about His
word with the rest of my time.
My freshmen year of college I put my
idea of what I was called to do into practice as I began to study under the
major of Electronic Media and Film. However, halfway through my freshmen year
of college I attended a fall retreat with my youth group where God called out
to me, and told me that I needed to leave the college I was at. I was torn
apart, but I knew God had a plan for me. So I left Towson University, my family’s
alma mater that was one hour from home and well known for it’s film program,
and I moved to Lee University, a school my family knew nothing about that was ten
hours from home with a basically non-existent film program. I slowly began to
realize my calling towards ministry.
To this day I still struggle with
the idea that I should still be making films. Makings films is what I love, but
so is youth ministry. Films are still where I find that touch of magic in this
world. Where I find God, and where He speaks to me. But so is youth ministry. I
get the same feeling when I speak to youth in an intimate setting or on stage
as I do when I am involve in film, both watching and creating. For now I have
decided to major in Youth Ministry and minor in Telecommunications or soon to
be Digital Media. I still feel that I am called to do so many things, and it
confuses me. I feel that I am to be youth pastor, a filmmaker, and a writer. I
do not know how all of these go together, but this is what I feel my calling is.
In Mission of the Church we have
discussed what our mission is in the light of God’s redemptive work through
humanity. We are called to praise God with everything we do. We have learned so
much in Mission of the Church that has directed me closer to where I should be,
but this is what has stuck out to me the most. I may still be torn by what I
should do once I graduate, but thanks to this class I am no longer torn about
what to do with the rest of my life. No matter what I do after college I know
that my calling is to praise and worship God with everything I do, whether that
is youth ministry, film making, writing, or all three. I know that my calling
is to follow whatever God calls me to do in the same way that I followed His
calling that brought me here to Lee University.
I think some of the wisest words I
have ever been told in reference to my calling came from my friend Victoria’s father, Mr. Darrin. I
confessed to him that I was struggling with what I should do with my life, and
what God’s calling for my life was. He looked at me and put it simple, “I’m
still trying to figure that out myself.” At the time I laughed, and moved on, but now I realize he was one to something. Here is a man pretty far in life, not
very far for he is still young, but far enough to be a father to a college age daughter
and a teenage son, to be an inactive Marine, and to be a business owner of his own
construction company, Harvest Moon. Here is a man who has done a lot. He has
served in the Marines, done missions work in Haiti and other places, is a
father to two children, and owns his own business, but he still does not feel
like he knows his calling. I am not sure if we ever do. I am not sure if
finding our exact calling is something that we can know as humans. I think we
can, through revelations given to us by God, discover what we must do next.
Which jobs we must take. Which field of work we must go into. But I truly
believe that God does not intend for us to know exactly what we should be doing
with our lives until our lives are over, and we meet Him in Heaven.
For instance, my youth pastor,
pastor Brian, thought his calling was to be a youth Pastor. So he pastored at
Crosswind Church as the youth minister to Portside Ministries for five years.
Then God revealed to him that his calling was to plant a church in North Port,
Florida. So now he lives in North Port, Florida serving as the main pastor to
the church that he planted. Who knows what he is to do next? Maybe he is to
remain there for the rest of his life, but maybe not. We cannot know. We can
only predict.
Finding your calling in life is a
lot like a film technique called vertigo. Vertigo is when the cameraman zooms
in but moves the camera out, or vice versa. This causes what they call vertigo
effect when you can see both the background and the foreground but it is blurry
in between. That is how I feel when I think about discovering my calling. I can
see where I am beginning and I envision the end, but I cannot see the in-between.
It is too blurry.
So with all of that being said I
believe that my calling is to follow God, and praise and worship Him with
anything I do. To specify I predict that God is going to use my talents to work
with me in youth ministry, film making, and writing. After college I am going
to look for work as a youth pastor. I feel a certain call to minister to the
youth because that is the age I found God, and needed to be reached out to. I
also feel that this is the age where I can really make a difference. I know
that not every one of students are going to commit their life to Christ in the
way that I might hope and that odds are most of them won’t, but if I can reach
out to just one of them my job will be done. However, I am also going to
continue writing films, and trying to cast and film them. Who knows, maybe God
will call someone to purchase rights to one of my scripts, and they can produce
my film. I feel that God has given me a passion for films for a reason. I believe
that films are a great way to connect with and reach out to the people of our
nation. I hope to one-day make a film that makes a difference; that shows
someone the magic of this world and the majesty of our Lord. I am also going to
continue to write books. Just as with film making, I believe God gave me a
passion and talent for writing for a reason as well, and who knows who I might
reach through my books. For all I know making films and writing books could
forever remain a means of entertainment for me, or it could one day become a
means of employment. I won’t know until it happens, but what I do know is that
God is calling me to minister to those around me. I believe that He is
specifically equipping me to minister to the youth of our nation for that is
where I was found, and that is where many other high school seniors just
looking for an answer to all their problems are going to be found. If I
am lucky, maybe, just maybe, I will be able to direct them to that answer, and
show them the love God has for them the same way my youth pastor did to me not
too long ago so that one day they will find their calling for life that God has
for them just like I believe I have done.
We may never know our calling, but we can rest in the knowledge that we are called to serve God. Pray to Him. Ask Him to lead you in the way of His plans, and you will go places you never imagined. Worship and praise Him in everything you do, and you will be fulfilling your call. Overall, do not worry too much over what you are going to do when you grow up, and worry more about what you are going to do now. For now is all that we are promised, and now is all that matters.
Like what you read? Check out my other blog "There's a Tide in the Affairs of Men *College*" !
