Finding Our Calling

            One of the hardest things one will do in their lifetime is find what God has called them to do in this wonderful thing He has given us called, life. From the very first day we begin kindergarten we are asked one of life’s most frequently asked questions, “What will you be when you grow up?” Of course, now this question has evolved into its slightly more sophisticated form, “What will you do when you graduate college?” or “What has God called you to do?” From the very first day in kindergarten when our much taller than we are teacher leans down to meet us eye to eye and ask us what we were going to do when we grow up we have felt the strong pressure to figure out what we are called to do for the rest of our life as fast as possible.

            Luckily as a young child this decision seems simple. The typical child’s answers are “I want to be a firefighter.”, “I want to be a princess.” , or “I want to be the president of the United States.” Children find something that seems to make people happy, and they latch on to it as something they are destined to do. For me I wanted to be a singer, an actress, a writer, a musician, a film maker, a professional athlete, a professional motocross rider, a professional skate boarder, a professional roller blader, the first female pro football, and so on. I learned at a very young age that I was very passionate about many things.

In middle school the range of what my peers wanted to do became a little more diverse. Instead of every girl wanting to be a princess, and every boy wanting to be a firefighter or policeman who saves the princess, my peers began to broaden their horizons. Though there were the few who still hung on to the idea becoming firefighters and policemen, the guys were deciding to become doctors, athletes, scientists, and so on. The girls had given up hope on becoming the next in line to royalty, and moved on to becoming doctors, scientists, counselors, make-up artists, actresses, singers, musicians, and so on. Not matter what they chose they all had one thing in common; they chose what they wanted to be based off of their main interest. The kids who loved art wanted to be artists. The kids who loved math wanted to be math teachers. The kids who loved talking to people wanted to be counselors. I however, had so many passions that the list probably could not have fit onto one page. I wanted to be everything, and I could not settle.

            In high school I thought I had figured it out. My first two years I was dead set on becoming an actress. I found everything I ever needed in movies. I found a meaning to be alive. I found a reason to chase after love. I found a reason to love others. When I watched movies I felt like I belonged. I felt like I had experienced a touch of the magic that is within this world. I found everything that I ever wanted, and the people I admired most were those in the movies. So I decided that acting was for me. I decided that I wanted to make a difference and influence others, and this was the way to do it. However, I slowly decided that the likelihood of me making it in the acting world was very unlikely. So the last two years of high school I decided that I was going to be a filmmaker. I was always being told I was really good at it. I had already written a few movie scripts, and had already made a few films about motocross. I was good at editing, directing, filming, all of it. This was my calling. But then my senior year of high school I found the one thing that changed it all, God.

            In my Mission of the Church class we were asked to write a reflection paper about how we came to a sense of calling in our life. In my paper I shared the story of my salvation, and how I came to know God. There is no need to reiterate, but long story short I was lost then I was found. I was brought into the church through a youth group dance group. I stuck around realizing that maybe I would find some of the answers I was looking for at this church, and in this God. I realized that God was the thing I was looking for, the answer to all of my problems. I fell in love with God, and discovered He had fallen in love with me a long time ago. Everything got better. I was hooked. I wanted to get as much as I could from God. Not in a materialistic way, but a spiritual way. I wanted to find out the most I could about Him. I wanted to read every word there is in the Bible, worship God for hours, pray to Him for longer, and listen to preachers tell me about His word with the rest of my time.

            My freshmen year of college I put my idea of what I was called to do into practice as I began to study under the major of Electronic Media and Film. However, halfway through my freshmen year of college I attended a fall retreat with my youth group where God called out to me, and told me that I needed to leave the college I was at. I was torn apart, but I knew God had a plan for me. So I left Towson University, my family’s alma mater that was one hour from home and well known for it’s film program, and I moved to Lee University, a school my family knew nothing about that was ten hours from home with a basically non-existent film program. I slowly began to realize my calling towards ministry.

            To this day I still struggle with the idea that I should still be making films. Makings films is what I love, but so is youth ministry. Films are still where I find that touch of magic in this world. Where I find God, and where He speaks to me. But so is youth ministry. I get the same feeling when I speak to youth in an intimate setting or on stage as I do when I am involve in film, both watching and creating. For now I have decided to major in Youth Ministry and minor in Telecommunications or soon to be Digital Media. I still feel that I am called to do so many things, and it confuses me. I feel that I am to be youth pastor, a filmmaker, and a writer. I do not know how all of these go together, but this is what I feel my calling is.

            In Mission of the Church we have discussed what our mission is in the light of God’s redemptive work through humanity. We are called to praise God with everything we do. We have learned so much in Mission of the Church that has directed me closer to where I should be, but this is what has stuck out to me the most. I may still be torn by what I should do once I graduate, but thanks to this class I am no longer torn about what to do with the rest of my life. No matter what I do after college I know that my calling is to praise and worship God with everything I do, whether that is youth ministry, film making, writing, or all three. I know that my calling is to follow whatever God calls me to do in the same way that I followed His calling that brought me here to Lee University.

            I think some of the wisest words I have ever been told in reference to my calling came from my friend Victoria’s father, Mr. Darrin. I confessed to him that I was struggling with what I should do with my life, and what God’s calling for my life was. He looked at me and put it simple, “I’m still trying to figure that out myself.” At the time I laughed, and moved on, but now I realize he was one to something. Here is a man pretty far in life, not very far for he is still young, but far enough to be a father to a college age daughter and a teenage son, to be an inactive Marine, and to be a business owner of his own construction company, Harvest Moon. Here is a man who has done a lot. He has served in the Marines, done missions work in Haiti and other places, is a father to two children, and owns his own business, but he still does not feel like he knows his calling. I am not sure if we ever do. I am not sure if finding our exact calling is something that we can know as humans. I think we can, through revelations given to us by God, discover what we must do next. Which jobs we must take. Which field of work we must go into. But I truly believe that God does not intend for us to know exactly what we should be doing with our lives until our lives are over, and we meet Him in Heaven.

            For instance, my youth pastor, pastor Brian, thought his calling was to be a youth Pastor. So he pastored at Crosswind Church as the youth minister to Portside Ministries for five years. Then God revealed to him that his calling was to plant a church in North Port, Florida. So now he lives in North Port, Florida serving as the main pastor to the church that he planted. Who knows what he is to do next? Maybe he is to remain there for the rest of his life, but maybe not. We cannot know. We can only predict.

            Finding your calling in life is a lot like a film technique called vertigo. Vertigo is when the cameraman zooms in but moves the camera out, or vice versa. This causes what they call vertigo effect when you can see both the background and the foreground but it is blurry in between. That is how I feel when I think about discovering my calling. I can see where I am beginning and I envision the end, but I cannot see the in-between. It is too blurry.

            So with all of that being said I believe that my calling is to follow God, and praise and worship Him with anything I do. To specify I predict that God is going to use my talents to work with me in youth ministry, film making, and writing. After college I am going to look for work as a youth pastor. I feel a certain call to minister to the youth because that is the age I found God, and needed to be reached out to. I also feel that this is the age where I can really make a difference. I know that not every one of students are going to commit their life to Christ in the way that I might hope and that odds are most of them won’t, but if I can reach out to just one of them my job will be done. However, I am also going to continue writing films, and trying to cast and film them. Who knows, maybe God will call someone to purchase rights to one of my scripts, and they can produce my film. I feel that God has given me a passion for films for a reason. I believe that films are a great way to connect with and reach out to the people of our nation. I hope to one-day make a film that makes a difference; that shows someone the magic of this world and the majesty of our Lord. I am also going to continue to write books. Just as with film making, I believe God gave me a passion and talent for writing for a reason as well, and who knows who I might reach through my books. For all I know making films and writing books could forever remain a means of entertainment for me, or it could one day become a means of employment. I won’t know until it happens, but what I do know is that God is calling me to minister to those around me. I believe that He is specifically equipping me to minister to the youth of our nation for that is where I was found, and that is where many other high school seniors just looking for an answer to all their problems are going to be found. If I am lucky, maybe, just maybe, I will be able to direct them to that answer, and show them the love God has for them the same way my youth pastor did to me not too long ago so that one day they will find their calling for life that God has for them just like I believe I have done.

         We may never know our calling, but we can rest in the knowledge that we are called to serve God. Pray to Him. Ask Him to lead you in the way of His plans, and you will go places you never imagined. Worship and praise Him in everything you do, and you will be fulfilling your call. Overall, do not worry too much over what you are going to do when you grow up, and worry more about what you are going to do now. For now is all that we are promised, and now is all that matters. 

Like what you read? Check out my other blog "There's a Tide in the Affairs of  Men *College*" !